Bliss Is The Gift Of Being a Nurse

After being a nurse for over 30 years, I am still in awe of being one.

From my tentative beginnings of passing out so many times in training.  To standing in the elevator at work, praying for God to help me get through my shift. To learning how to integrate the computerized world into the  day to day demands of my work day. To pronouncing a death at the end of a long journey,  of someone who had no family members there to witness their transition. Holding their hand as they left this earthly plane.   Witnessing the beauty and fragility of life, knowing I did all that was humanly possible to hold that space, provide that comfort and feel the life-force take that final step as I hold their hand.   A gift.    When all I wanted to do was cry.

Staying strong in the face of the challenges and keeping the wall between personal life separate from the demands & decisions that hold life in the balance of  the shift.

My career has had it's ups and downs. Being laid off not once, but twice.  Realizing it was time to leave a job, when the politics in the place were difficult to reconcile, or when colleagues were less than congenial, or when the demands of the job robbed me of my peace of mind, leaving little left of me. Of the weekends, the holidays and special events I either had to miss, or leave in order to meet the commitments of  scheduled shifts.  Of  meeting the demands of  working all three shifts in a single week and not in a smooth flow of transition, like erratic blips of V-tach on a heart monitor.

I remain a nurse.

The other day, I had one of those days, or shall I say nights.  A client whose immediate struggle to gain breath left him blue and near the line we strive to not cross when not our time.  I went into action using the skills, the tools, and the limitations of what I can do in the place that I work.  Relieving the blockage and recovering the normal function of the amazing ability of the body to recover.  Receiving the grateful thanks of a life with life yet to live. So many times the people whom I assist are in a stage where they cannot share their thanks, but yet their thanks is felt by the look in their eyes. I received thanks from a grateful soul. Grateful to be there.  Knowing that I just had the experience of reviving life with my skills, knowledge, judgment.and hands.  Thanking God for being there and in service. Humbled by the experience of it all.

Thanks, like manna from heaven.  It feeds my soul.  It is the fuel that gets me up for a shift when all I want to do is hit snooze on the alarm clock.  Thanks is the fuel that fills my cup of compassion.  It gets me out the door when the roads are impassable to the regular commuter on a stormy winters night.  Thanks is what stops me from calling in, knowing that the shift will not be filled  despite feeling less than my peak. Thanks is all it takes.

Bliss is the gift of getting over my fears, over the many, many years.
Bliss is the gift of being a nurse.